Nicole | Pandemic lessons + Evolving voice
My journey has been really up and down.
Nicole is a writer, educator, and friend from Denver now located in Pennsylvania. We met many years ago and I gotta tell you, the things she writes are vulnerable, beautiful, and bold. Just like her. I am very honored to have sat down for a virtual chat and to be able to share her pandemic tale of courage and voice, recorded November 3, the day before our historic election.
“Now that I reflect, I can see that a lot of good things came out of this [...] I remember when this first was starting and the talk of the shut down was happening, I was really excited to work from home [...] and now seven months later, its kind of like ‘okay.’ And I struggle with anxiety, and I didn’t expect to feel so much anxiety once everything really shut down.”
“I struggle with the sense of safety—you know this idea of feeling safe in my body and safe in normal places like the grocery store or Target or Walmart. With the pandemic I felt like I was unsafe all the time. Like I would wake up and feel unsafe. Just this sense of doom hit me really intensely. ”
“I transitioned jobs during the pandemic, and went through this time of not having a job [...] I worked in education at a local elementary school and we were servicing all Black and Brown students, and I was one of the few Black staff members and I would constantly bring up things that were going on that were problematic, and he just didn’t understand it and said a lot of things that were inappropriate. And it was awful because I loved my job [...] But it was mentally and emotionally unsafe for me and I just couldn’t walk through that during a pandemic. ”
“Quitting the job was way harder and really effected my self-esteem [...] I felt this level of shame around how short this job was on my resume. So I really had to wrap my head around, ‘why do I feel shame for advocating for myself?’”
“And now, I’m kind of on the other side of that: I started a new job at a college that I love , I’ve been able to read more, and explore my social media brand and my blogging and things like that, and spend more time with my family and talking to my parents. ”
Nicole runs a really beautiful blog, and we talked about how journaling and blogging has been impacted during this pandemic, and life decisions in general.
“I am really trying to find what my public voice is, that’s a whole journey. Being someone who has grown up in predominately white spaces and is in an interracial marriage [...] I have started to be more honest and more direct. ”
“I am evolving and my voice is evolving.”
With the ever evolving pandemic restrictions Nicole shared how its going in her area of Pennsylvania, seven months in.
“People aren’t taking it seriously anymore [...] Now I have to tell people, ‘Excuse me Ma’am can you back up? Excuse me Sir, can you give me some space? You aren’t wearing a mask no I don’t want to talk to you.’ And that’s like so awkward to do. My hands are shaking the whole time and super sweaty, but I have to stand up for myself! And as a Black woman think I am kind of used to people invading my space, wanting to touch my hair [...] Before I was not comfortable to tell people, no.”
“This has helped me see, yeah you’re strong—but you are not a superhero. ”
Thank you so much Nicole. In addition to her blog, please check out her instagram! @nicomagloire
Cover Image: Emily Creek (light patterns on ceiling, growth)
Participant photo and link to website: Nicole
